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15 novembre 2012

LVDC 24: Organ giving and other things to do in case I die

Because "La Vie de Charles" is a blog about my life, it is time I start thinking -and writing- on my death.

Bus London

Yes, dear Readers, one day my beautiful existence will come to an end; sad enough as it will be, additionally some stuff will need to be done, and while I value the experience and skills of dedicated lawyers who would keep it, I completely trust Google to store this article for at least the next century.

So: until it is expressely revoked by a more official version, this is, taaadaaaaaaa... my Last Will and Testament.


First of all, and it will be the only real justification for this blog entry, I DO GIVE ALL MY ORGANS to whomever might need them. Even if this has to be Christine Boutin. Actually, I would rather like that she gets the kidneys or the liver of a fag; she might even become a lesbian and stop being a nuisance.

Second, I'm afraid there is no money for anybody to inherit, and if this does change, it will probably be gone with the funeral and other expenses occured by my demise. I not, you may use the remaining to create a charity with my name to help people with bad taste and little money to buy nice fake leopard fur plaids for their beds.

As for the funeral, I want to be cremated, because I don't want my body to be eaten by worms. Actually, if you can preserve it, like, put it into a cube of glass and expose it on a public square or send it to space, I would enjoy it - plus this is the only way I see myself possibly going to heaven.

Apart from that, I want my funeral to be as cheap as possible, having been very little attached to appearances during my life, so if you could avoid burning a nice handwork of oak and even nicer tuxedo and Oxford shirts, and instead burn me naked in a coffin in recycled paperboard, it will definitely appease my soul and less polar bears will die. Crystale Bouvier-Montgomery, Funeral Party, Charles Dechoux

I also suggest that you organise a disguised Funeral Party so my friends who like to create their own clothing can dress up as a Black Widow or Princess of Death, or maybe you should come all as famous dead people? Zombies? Lady Gaga in mourning attire??

Actually this is way to exciting, and since although I'll be of course present, I won't really enjoy it, I think we should do rehearsals. We could maybe prepare appropriate themed cocktails like TGV, Blue Lagoon or Bloody Mary, depending of the way I die?

Of course, once I'm in ashes, please do not leave me to mould in a stupid box, and instead nicely set me free. I'd especially like to be thrown in the river by my parent's house, so I could finally (since I haven't done it yet) swim to the Cher, then meet the Loire at Tours and flow all the way to the ocean - better dead than never they say. If it is forbidden to do... well, you'll figure out. I guess diving from a yacht in the middle of the Atlantic might do too ;-)

As for my personal belongings, please help yourself to what you like most, as long as you don't intend to sell them for your profit; there is so much rubbish at my parents' that they wouldn't know what to do with it!

I more specifically give my shoes to those who really need them, and I know some people will love to have them, share them and cherish them as relics, especially those with which I ran this 'Glam Run' race last year...

Eventually, if any of you wants to remember me or pay tribute, you can watch silly movies, especially Les Visiteurs, or Dikkenek, or Scary Movie 3, or any movie I keep citing all the time, so you will literally hear things that I say all the time. If you want to buy me flowers, take pink lillies from a local market, and keep them in your living room, they'll smell nice just as me (alive I mean).

If I do have a soul, though I seriously doubt it, it will probably bathe in a lake or linger on a beach with a fresh heavenly mojito, so I suggest that you treat yourself to a Sea, Sex & Sun holiday in my honour and toast me!


Having written all this, I can die at peace if I trespass while crossing the street to go to work tomorrow morning (at least, as much at peace as you can be when you get run over by a bus).

Even though, I still hope that I will outlast you all and live forever young and beautiful - just like a vampire, you'd say, but I'd actually rather die than live forever without getting suntan... 


01:45 Écrit par chax18 dans Blog, Loisirs | Lien permanent | Commentaires (0) |  Partager sur Facebook |

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